Meet the Author
by topersnake
Summary: Some strange events happen that cause some of the characters of Ace Attorney to track me down (Not really) This is a crack fic


**This is a crack fic. This is going to get random. So let us get started. Shall we?**

"What does the defense have to say to this interesting development?"

Phoenix was sweating. "I um… Objection! This intro is too long."

"Wright, I know you are cornered. Please stop wasting our time." Edgeworth tapped his foot rather annoyed at the usual antics of the courtroom.

The judge wasn't pleased either. "If the defense is done wasting our time, I would like to present my verdict."

"Nick, you have to say something!"

The defense attorney had his head buried in his arms. "Oh no!"

Edgeworth looking forward to beating his rival gave only one statement. "Oh yeah!"

"OH YEAH!" Suddenly a walking pitcher with a face painted on it busted through the wall on the prosecutor's side. The talking container held a red liquid as well.

Maya pointed at the intruder. "What the heck is the Kold-aid man doing here?"

Everyone looked at the strange thing. "OH YEAH!" That's all it ever said and it was starting to get tiring for everyone else.

"Wright, what is the meaning of this?"

"I don't know. I thought it was you. It came from your side."

"Let me take a look at this…" Edgeworth examined the Kold-aid man front and back. "I think it was an assassin. I see the words, 'Created by topersnake Inc.'"

Maya was riled up. "We have to find this snake with a top hat."

"Snakes do not wear top hats; that defies all logic. Plus, I am ahead of you Miss Fey. There is an address printed on the back."

Phoenix was still confused about the events going on. "What about the…"

The Judge looking at the chaos that was the courtroom rubbed his eyes. "I think due to these turn in events I will have to suspend the trial another day"

"YES! Nick, we have to find this dangerous guy." Maya now was dragging Phoenix away by the wrist.

Pearl who was waiting in the lobby was suddenly filled with great joy. "Aww, you two are holding hands."

_What? She's dragging me by the wrist against my will. How does that make this romantic?_

"Pearly we are going to solve another mystery. To the Wright-mobile!"

"I don't own a car and my bike is a one seater. I am not piggybacking two mediums on my back while I ride."

"You're such a downer."

Edgeworth appeared in his red sports car. "We can take my car."

They all hopped in. The drive was slow and monotonous as they used a GPS to track down this "topersnake."

They arrived at the address. Then the group found themselves looking at a snake wearing a top hat.

"What is this?" Edgeworth commented. "This defies logic."

"Told you it was a snake with a top hat." Maya stuck her head upwards.

The snake was situated at a computer typing away with its tail. "Hmm, what to write about next…?" It sensed a different presence. "Is that you monocle mongoose? I've told you that…" As he turned his swivel chair around it saw Phoenix, Edgeworth, Maya, and Pearl staring at him. "Umm… this is interesting. Can I interest you in a cup of coffee?"

"We want answers!" Phoenix was standing pointing his finger.

"Hey t-snake, what's up…? What is going on?" a mongoose with a monocle came out from the bathroom, it looked in shock seeing the Ace Attorney characters.

Pearl was unfazed. "I knew animals could talk!"

"I want to know why you tried to assassinate us with the Kold-aid man." Phoenix spoke for the entire group.

"I didn't write that." The snake answered. "Unless… Mongoose! I thought I told you I wasn't going to be writing a crack fic! Why did you put the fricken Kold-aid man into my story? Let's see what else you've messed up…" The snake scrolled through the document he had on screen. "You broke the fourth wall as well, 'I um… Objection! This intro is too long.' Erg, Stick with your own fanfics."

"But… I thought I could make it a lot funnier."

"It was supposed to be serious at that point. Geez. Now we have the characters showing up on our doorstep demanding answers."

Everyone was confused especially Wright._ What is going on here? Us, fanfic?_ "I need to know the truth!"

The snake slowly turned to the uninvited guests. "I apologize for whatever troubles my protégé has caused. He's still trying to be as classy as I am. Do you see this hat? Don't you agree that it's classier than a monocle?"

"I want to know what you mean by fanfics."

"I um… I am an author. I make whatever I write become reality."

Edgeworth mumbled, "The Author, it makes it seem diabolical."

"Mr. Snake, you can make anything come true, right?" Pearl started to bit her fingernail.

"Of course Pearl!"

"How do you know our names?" Phoenix was slightly disturbed by this development.

"Have you forgotten we are authors? Of course we know your names. Anyways, I know exactly what you want Pearl."

The snake at lightning speed typed out the following sentences, "Then a sudden attraction came over the defense attorney and the older medium. They grew closer and closer until they made out passionately."

Phoenix was confused as to what was going on until he felt a strange sensation come over his body. _Why do I all of the sudden love Maya?_

Maya was starting to feel the same way. She grew closer and closer until they smashed their lips together.

"YEA!" Pearl cheered as her dream came true.

Edgeworth on the other hand was unamused. "This is utterly sickening."

"Maybe Edgeworth is feeling a little left out." The mongoose walked to the computer and changed the line about Phoenix and Maya kissing to Phoenix and Edgeworth.

"Mongoose, stop messing with my OTP!"

"Well I just made my OTP happen!"

"Let me delete that line!" This happened as Phoenix and Edgeworth were already locking lips.

"Why the hell am I holding Edgeworth suggestively and my lips are against his? They quickly stepped away wondering what happened to their selves for the last couple of minutes.

Maya was also as equally disturbed added, "Why do I have the taste of objection all over my mouth?"

Meanwhile the two authors were arguing. "PHAYA!"

"PHEDGEWORTH!"

"PHAYA!"

"PHEDGEWORTH!"

Then a brawl broke out. The snake quickly wrapped around the mongoose. "Do you really want to be bitten? Huh, Huh!?"

The mongoose used its claws and escaped. "Take that you slippery reptile!"

The fight continued as they started to mash on the key board. The onscreen writing read, "The four characters said, 'waeorjiasd;lal;skdjfwoepirjadl;nv;lgslhfla5^ $&^*akejrp! eiojasdkfjga7dghlweouirhkdfh3'"

Then the four humans started to spout gibberish. Then a variety of crazy events occurred. Some of which included a giant moon with a face on it almost crashing into the earth, and Godzilla opening up the roof to the building. All the sudden Edgeworth and Pearl were making out. That was probably the most disturbing event that took place. Then finally a man appeared who called himself the "GM" yelling into a megaphone, "So zetta slow!", "SOH CAH TOA baby!", "You're out of your vector!", and other math related lines.

The fight finally ended with the two authors forgetting about what was the problem. It probably was because of the last figure shouting over the megaphone. Mongoose spoke up, "I think that maybe we should erase their minds and send them back." Topersnake agreed to this as he deleted all the random gibberish that brought the crazy events into the room.

"Good idea, let's see." The snake typed out the next sentence. "Then the Phoenix, Miles, Maya, and Pearls left the authors' house and went home forgetting everything that just happened."

The group that entered, as if under a spell, left the house. "T- Snake, how about I add Iris somehow comes in and steals Phoenix's heart"

"Don't push your luck. I don't want another incident where they get this close to discovering the truth."

"I'm just saying that it could work."

"I'm not disagreeing. I'm just saying for you to leave them be for a while."

"Too late I'm adding that in!" The mongoose reached toward the keyboard.

"Get off the computer!" Another fight broke out between the writers.

The door was once again thrown wide open. The two bitter companions already locked in combat paused looking at the doorway. It was Apollo, Trucy, Ema, Kalvier, and Future Phoenix coming in. Apollo spoke for the group. "I want to know why a humongous, living, anatomy model smashed down our courthouse."

Topersnake looked over at another document. "MONGOOSE! Why is the colossal titan destroying the courthouse!?"

"I don't know, it needed an epic scene."

"But, this isn't a crossover! We might as well call this Shingeki no Gyakuten, in English called Attack on Turnabout!"

With that the antics started all over again.

**A/N Monocle mongoose is not a real person. I just created him to run interference with me. There were also quite a few references lying about. Now that this strange little piece is over, if you want post a review. If not that's fine. Finally enjoy the rest of your day/ night.**


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